"I Used to Be a Horrible Person!"
On April 2, 2004, Kelly Osbourne, 19 - who, in 2002, starred in MTV's The Osbournes and released her first pop album, Shut Up - admitted herself into a month-long program at the Promises Malibu treatment center in California for a six-year addiction to pain killers.
Now clean for more than six months - and receiving rave reviews for her acting debut in ABC's new drama life as we know it (Thursdays, 9 p.m.) - the single, London-born daughter of Sharon, 52, and Ozzy Osbourne, 55, tells Us staff writer Ingela Ratledge about her transformation from hard-partying wild child to confident, independant star.
Tough Times
Since I was 13 years old, I'd been taking painkillers. They were available eveywhere - school, clubs. By the time I was 15, I was taking 30 to 50 pills every day. I wasn't much of a drinker and I didn't like cocaine because it would make me say stupid things. So I took Vicodin and other painkillers because they numbed me. I didn't feel happy or sad - I didn't feel anything - and I liked that. When I was using drugs, I was an egotistical, self-obsessed asshole. I did whatever I wanted and talked so much shit about people because I was so uncomfortable with who I was and what I was doing.
During that time, I bought a house in Los Angeles for $1.5 million, but I never moved in [she later sold it]. If I had moved in, I would not be alive right now because I would have done drugs all day by myself. You know you're an addict when you do drugs alone.
It got to the point where I was puking blood because the Tylenol and Vicodin were rotting my stomach. Still, no one suspected me of anything. Then a paparazzo took a picture of me buying drugs and sent it to my mother. I thank God for that because it saved me. My mom was like "Get in the car now!" and drove me off to rehab. Since I knew where I was going, I took a handful of pills before we left.
Coming Clean
Detoxing was the most painful experience I've ever gone through. It feels like someone is pounding on you. I stayed in bed and nurses made sure I didn't hyperventilate or freak out. after about a week, I had what addicts call "the snap" - that moment when you start living again. One morning, I woke up and thought, "OK, I'm going to go to the counseling sessions and follow the program." And it worked. I started feeling better about myself and I wanted to show people who I really was.
Moving On
Recovery can be a real guilt trip. I realized that I'd been unfair to my family [including sister Aimee, 21 and brother Jack, 18], and I have to live with that. But I went to my family and told them I was sober and sorry.
I also had to dump some of my friends. I'd been hanging out with lowlifes because it made me feel beter about myself. So I told them, "Call me when you change."
It took a long time for my parents to trust me again. My mom wanted me home by 10 o'clock every night. But I couldn't have someone trapping me with rules - I had to do it on my own.
When I was out at night, I felt like the most boring person. Before I always had the drugs backing me up, and without them, I had relearn my communication skills. But I realized that I'm happy sober. I can go out and dance, and actually remember the night! Now I wake up; I don't come to.
A New Beginning
Careerwise, I didn't know what to do with myself - until I read the script for life as we know it that my agent had sent. I loved the chubby girl character of Deborah. I'm large-sized for Hollywood and Beverly Hills, but I'm not fat! And there are so many girls out there that don't consider themselves beautiful because they're not thin. But I'm comfortable with myself. So if a normal, happy girl like me is on a TV show, I hope teenagers might think, "I can be like that, too."
After I got the part, I moved to Vancouver, where we tape the show. I was lonely for the first couple of months, but I couldn't go back to how things were - I like the peace and my routine now. I do my own laundry and dishes, clean my own apartment and know where everything is, since I put it there. I'm happier than I've ever been, because I'm sober and making decisions that I want to make. And I'm finally having fun!
|
|