MYKELLYOSBOURNE.COM INTERVIEWS

JACK: Kelly, what is it like, being my sister?

KELLY: It sucks. Robert, what's it like being our brother? (This is a retarded question.)

JACK: No, I think that's a very valid question.

ROBERT: Well, other than my last name being Osbourne now, I'd have to say, don't take anything seriously. Kelly, what's your favorite song on your album?

KELLY: I don't know, I like them all. Probably the one I didn't write. "Too Much of You," because it's about masturbation. I think it's really funny.

JACK: It is? (Laughs)

KELLY: It is. You know, you've listened to it.

JACK: Well, I haven't actually listened to your album. What is the best part of having me as a brother? Who was that directed towards? I'm guessing the both of you.

ROBERT: I think, you can always get a party started. You're a very fun loving guy.

JACK: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. I love life.

ROBERT: Jack, how do you like your new job at Epic Records?

JACK: Do you mean the job that I've had for two years, which isn't so new?

ROBERT: Okay.

JACK: My job at Epic is fun.

JACK: This is one that you're going to love, Kelly. What kind of woman would you like to see me end up with?

KELLY: One that doesn't look like their profession involves a pole.

JACK: (Laughs) Fair enough, fair enough. Robert?

ROBERT: A girl that...

KELLY: ...has more than one brain cell.

ROBERT: Wow!

KELLY: What kind of warning label would you put on me for potential dates?

JACK: A caution label.

ROBERT: Beware, wobblies could attack at any time.

JACK: Flammable. Use with caution.

KELLY: Use with caution? You are such a Bastard!

ROBERT: What quality do you think you inherited from mom and dad?

KELLY: I've got dad's bad habits, and mom's sense of humor.

JACK: Yeah, and mom's sense of violence, too. I can see Kelly beating people up when she gets older.

KELLY: I already do now.

JACK: I don't know. I think I've got Dad's little potty quality. He likes to have a good time. And I don't know, possibly, I'm hoping, eventually Mom's good business sense. Don't know about that quite yet. We'll see.

JACK: Ok, what warning label would you put on me, for potential dates?

KELLY: Do not touch. Slippery when wet. (Laughs)

KELLY: Jack, would you go out and buy my album?

JACK: Seeing as I haven't heard it, that's the only way I'm ever going to hear it. So?

KELLY: You never asked me to hear it.

JACK: Because you'd never let me hear it. You'd be like, "Oh no, you're going to make fun of me."

KELLY: Yeah, I would. Yeah, 'cause you totally would make fun of me -- even if you liked it. So why do I wanna deal with criticism if I don't have to?

JACK: You know, after work yesterday, just as I was leaving, they were playing the "Blah, Blah, Blah" song down in the...

KELLY: That song is called "Shut Up."

JACK: Ok, the "Shut Up" song at work, and everyone was singing it, so. There you go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

JACK: Kelly, what star would you like to appear in your next video?

KELLY: I wouldn't want any.

JACK: JENNIFER LOPEZ had BEN AFFLECK, wouldn't you want to have MATT DAMON?

KELLY: No. I don't like that whole thing. The only reason why they put cameos in their videos is to try and make them look cool, because they're not cool enough or whatever. They try to get somebody who played on "TRL," so their video will play on "TRL." I don't want to put anyone in my video. I don't even like being in my own video.

ROBERT: What are you guys most frightened of?

KELLY: Spiders.

JACK: I don't know.

ROBERT: I'm most afraid of the cameras and all that stuff.

KELLY: You are?

ROBERT: Yeah.

KELLY: You chose the wrong f*cking family to live with then.

ROBERT: Seriously.

JACK: Yeah, spiders give you the Heebie-Jeebies. They are pretty. I don't know. Probably that and, just spiders, I think.

KELLY: I hate them.

JACK: Spiders, and, *NSYNC. I'm pretty scared of 'N Sync, too.

KELLY: If you change one thing about me, what would it be?

JACK: There'd be so much. I'd like if you really stopped hitting me, a lot. That would really make me happy.

ROBERT: Just maybe the temper tantrums. Sometimes.

KELLY: I'm very stubborn.

ROBERT: There's a good reason for them.

KELLY: When was the last time I had one?

ROBERT: Yesterday, I think.

JACK: I know you've had one recently. Well no, because Kelly has them so often, it's just like...