Carson: If I acted anything like my next two guests when I was a teenager, I'm pretty sure I'd still be grounded and I'm damn near 30 now. Please welcome America's sweethearts: Jack and Kelly Osbourne! (applause with Crazy Train in the background) Carson: Alright, forget any of the press you've done. Let's just sit and talk, okay? And swear hopefully, that would be good. How are you guys? Thanks for coming on. Jack: Thanks for having us. Carson: Kelly, let's start with you. This was in the paper today, although when this show airs, it will probably be a month later. It says, "Kelly Osbourne and her guitarist were outside a night club. The melee began when a member of Korn tried to get physical. What happened? Kelly: It wasn't a member of Korn. I don't even know how that got in there. (looks at picture in paper). That's actually Avril Lavigne's drummer. My guitar player was still inside fighting when that happened. Carson: So what happened? Kelly: I was with a couple of my friends and we were all just at a pre-Grammy party and this one guy grabbed my boob and he wouldn't leave me alone. Carson: Who was the one guy? It was not a member of Korn? Kelly: No. No. Korn was there but the only thing that happened with them was this guy got thrown on their table and that was it. And he wouldn't... he kept touching me and I was like, "Dude, I know you're drunk and I don't want to fight with you, but please don't touch me." And I, like, pushed him away. Carson: Jack, what were you doing this whole time? Kelly: He wasn't even there. Carson: Jack, what would you have done. Because I know if someone were grabbing my sister's chest, I mean I would be so pissed. Kelly: That's why Avril's drummer and my guitarist. They got up and they're like, "Stop touching her." He threw a punch and they hit him and he went onto the table. ((**TV crapped out on me for about 10 seconds here**)) I ran out because I kind of got scared. Carson: That's so punk rock. Do you know anything about this? (holds up paper) Can we take a shot of this, Steve? This is from the paper today. Evander Holyfield and Martha Stewart. They were at the Clive Davis party. Jack: Maybe he's training her how to properly fight when she goes to prison. Carson: A couple months ago, Kelly, you were on TRL and I was interviewing you about the Christina Aguilera spitting on the car thing. Kelly: I know and I didn't want to sit there and talk about it the whole time. And you weren't defending me in any way. It was all about her and I was like, "oh, dammmit!" You were making me feel bad. Carson: You were furious, though. Kelly: I was so mad. Carson: You know I've always supported you. I say nothing but good things about you. Kelly: I know, I know. I was just so mad because everything you said was like, "Don't you think you're being a little childish?" And I'm like, "Well, yeah." Carson: But Kelly's like, "I saw Christina and she's such a bitch and blah blah blah and I saw her car and I spit on her car and..." And I asked, "have you ever met her?" And you were like, "Well, no." Kelly: We did meet! And she was totally nice and she said how we should end it and not fight anymore and whatever. And the next day she was on the news talking about me and I was like, don't expect me to keep my mouth shut if you're not going to. So it's like an ongoing feud that really doesn't mean anything. It's just more for fun. Carson: Yeah, I see a pay-per-view with you and mud somewhere. Kelly: No, you know what it is? It's.... Jack: A tub full of KY Jelly.... Carson: Oh, yeah! How funny is "Old School"? Jack: That's the greatest film ever. Carson: I just saw "Old School" and it's the funniest and comedies have sucked pretty bad here recently. Jack: I definitely think it's right up there with "Dumb and Dumber" for me. Carson: Oh, me too. It was hilarious. I can't believe it was only 17 minutes long. I thought it was, like, 40. But, I saw you (Jack) at a pre-Grammy thing over on the town. Jack: Yeah. Carson: Who was that chick you were with? She was hot? Jack: Which one? Oh, that's my friend Kimberly (Rod Stewart's daughter). Carson: What's her deal? You guys going out? Jack: No, she's just a friend. Carson: Do you have girls like Kimberly around you constantly when you go to clubs? Jack: I guess. Carson: So what happens? Walk me through a night. (To Kelly) Does he have girls over all the time? Kelly: They're like the world's biggest douchebags. Jack: I live in a perpetual party. Kelly: But they really are. They're like, there's like one brain cell in all of them. They're all the same girl. It's like snowing outside and they're in, like, nipple covers and that's about it. And you're like, okay. And they're like, "Oh, Jack, we totally love your show and you're so cute." And I'm like, "Don't you have anything else to say?" And they're like, "No." Jack: What the fuck do you think I want to hear? Carson: Yeah, what do you want him to do, like sit down and have a stimulating conversation? What do you think about North Korea? That's a helluva nipple ring you've got right there. Kelly: But you know what I mean? Carson: But that's what you guys should be doing. I mean it's crazy with all this that's happened with the show. You know how, like, everybody's just nuts over reality TV and it really all started with you guys. The cameras are here tonight, right? Jack: Yeah. Carson: So what's.... do you guys have to abide by a legal drinking age wherever you go? (PAUSE) Jack: Mmmmm.... We're European. In England, the drinking laws are very lax and, you know, why not bring that over here? Carson: Do you have fake ID's? Kelly: I used to, but... Jack: They serve us everywhere. Carson: Do they cameras go into the clubs and stuff? Kelly: They can't film us drinking. They can film us drunk, but they can't film us drinking, so it's kind of weird. Carson: That's a load of crap, that is. Kelly: I know. Jack: Although I did just watch episodes of the show and I did see me in the background, like holding a beer. I was like, oops. Carson: So are you guys sick of it yet, though? Are you guys done? Is this like, the last season? Kelly: It's a little...... I'm ready to have a little bit of time away from the cameras. Jack: Some down time. Kelly: We've had it every day for two years. So it's kind of like we need a little bit of time. But we can't say that it's over, because we really don't know ourselves. Carson: You guys fight a lot. Let me show just a little clip here from "The Osbournes". (Shows clip of Jack and Kelly outside the house talking about Jack shooting Kelly with a pellet and Kelly laughting when Jack got smacked in the face with a baseball bat.) Carson: We don't have much time left, unfortunately. Do you have any comments on the Grammy's? I should ask you that. Jack: I'm glad Norah Jones won as many as she did. Kelly: Yeah, that was great. Carson: Kelly, you do music. Jack looks for music. He's on the other side of the businesss working. Would you sign Kelly? (PAUSE) Jack: Yeah. Kelly: No. Carson: If she weren't your sister and you saw her band, would you sign them? Jack: I don't know. I'd have to.... Well, is this circumstances where she weren't my sister? Carson: Just on the merit of the music and what you're looking for. (Kelly puts her head on her hand and looks at Jack and smirks) Jack: I don't know. It's kind of. I mean, yes. I would sign Kelly. Carson: There you go. That's the right answer on TV, Jack. Uh, I've got to go. I'm out of time. My best to your Mom, she's the best. How's she feeling? Jack: Thanks. Kelly: She's doing really good. She's backstage. Carson: Oh, she is? We'll go say hi. Anyway, thank you guys. Jack and Kelly Osbourne, everybody. |